and there it was..heaven was beside me and hell within, i had tried to look for signs in her eyes that were never there..and now that i start finding what i had been denying all this long..it dont feel so good. i think i'll just leave but do i really have a hand in my forgetting?

Is there no way out of my mind?

"To annihilate the world by annihilation of one's self is the deluded height of desperate egoism. The simple way out of all the little brick dead ends we scratch our nails against.... I want to kill myself, to escape from responsibility, to crawl back abjectly into the womb."

Cat results were officially declared this past week. They put an official seal on something which i already knew. Somehow its really funny how you live in a state of denial and wish and pray that somehow you had a giant eraser with you to rub away the past...but you dont.
Other people are living my dream, not that its not good or anyhting, just that i know it could have been me. Deep down a lingering feeling still remains..
someday..
in the garden..
in the stillness of the morning..
my time shall come.

Je ne peux pas vous dire que je t'aime peut-être...