Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Thats all Folks...

the time to bring the curtains down on the blog..dnt know why i just dont feel like writing down my thoughts anymore..it kinda makes them worse and before i know it i see myself trapped in the quagmire of self-loathing and depression. putting down my thoughts onto this blog has really been tough and extremely painful, for its really tough to translate the black hell inside me into words. each and every word on the blog represents a part of my inside..its actually my soul's blood u see splattered all over the page of the blog..(there i go again..).anywasy from now onwards i think it would be better to keep my twisted thoughts locked somewhere inside my twisted mind in a chamber and i throw away the key someplace where nobody can find it.
i feel irritated, stupid, tired, emotionally exhausted. all i want to do now is just silence the noise of my emotions, its insane, i know it and you know it. i now choose to be blinded by the secrets that stir inside of an abyss which is me, if i dont see it, if i dont feel it no one would either, its easier pretending not to know.ignorance is bliss afterall.
how did I let myself fall so deep? my own mind is the biggest actor in causing my degradation-- it is the biggest contributor to my self-deterioration.
anyways, as i write this a word of thanx to all the people who stopped by this blog to drop in their invaluable pearls. (nidhi, hemu, admirer.etc etc )trust me guys ur words really really made me feel special.
anyways for the time being it looks like its back to being me , myself and i. i should not continue down this road anymore and perhaps get out and get a more optimistic approach towards life. eventually i had to stop to catch my breath..
maybe someother day when i decide to run away again , i'll be back. but till then ..it looks like a goodbye.
good bye and goodluck.

11 Comments:

Anonymous admirer said...

hey mister nikhil.
just want to ask u one thing?
are u absolutely fine with this decision? coz believe me i m not.
but ofcourse, it doesnt even matter what i think.may be, ur career, ur calls etc are bearing on ur mind. so u can relax and probably share something else.something that makes u feel light, something after which u dont feel guilty( by the way, ur not even close to degrading yourself.ppl have reverence for u, dont slap on their faces by saying that). i think if a person can admire you for ur creativity, he can and he does give u space for letting u vent out all ur feelings. a person wont regularly vist a blog just to share a laugh. may be someone connects to you on this account. but yes, in the end the decision is all urs.. i wud still visit this blog regularly looking for the updates.
ALL THE BEST DUDE!!
YOU REALLY ROCK..BELIEVE ME
take care
admirer

6:40 AM, February 09, 2006  
Blogger Hemu said...

Are tell me one thing , do u want me to kick ur ass whenever we meet in next gig ?? haan bol de yahin pe :P

Are dude life is like sinusoidal wave , sometimes u feel good sometimes u feel bad. So there is nothing like breaking the border and to go the another extreme !! Blogging is a brilliant way to express ur fellings .. at least i think.

There is Nothing like quitting any thing or get back to it ... and it really dost matter that what you are doing .. only thing matters is that wheather yu know and understand the mechanism or not !! Belive me and that is called life baby .. Understand the whole system that how things work and then play with them , donn let play system with you urself... and i am telling you there is nothing like quitting blog will give you peace and you will live better life.

Its ur life afterall .. Do whatever you think is good for you. Stay Yourself n Rule the World !!

Hemu

10:41 AM, February 09, 2006  
Anonymous another admirer said...

dont kill it... its too early

7:58 AM, February 15, 2006  
Blogger The Doors Of Perception said...

@admirer: i am touched buddy..all i have to say is thanx..and along with that a promise that i shall be back, but i dont feel like returning to the blog right now..it reminds of things which i dont want to recall. i'm just taking this time out to clear out my head abt certain thoughts. coming back to this blog just brings back those memories which are absolutely useless which cant help but make you feel like taking your fingers dig deep within your chest to the safe confines of your ribcage and then just rip aprt yourself into two parts and let your heart fall out beating, bleeding on a silver platter...anyways here i go again(look wht this blog does to me.)..anyways right now i'm tired, i'm tired of trying,i'm tired of wallowing in my own mire. i need some time out..i need to become strong enough inside..and when i think i have cleansed myself of the crappy feelings whcih i get inside after visiting this blog and when i do so i shall return thats a promise.
@hemu: thanx buddy ..true man life is sinusoidal. some times one is up and sometimes one is down. i need to learn how to take things whn they are down and not get cught up in the vortex of depression after that.
p.s.: admirer , i am shure u blog...can i have a link upto ur blog too.

9:02 AM, February 15, 2006  
Blogger The Doors Of Perception said...

@another admirer: not killing it ..just a mild sleep.

9:03 AM, February 15, 2006  
Anonymous 3rd admirer said...

dont stop writting!!!
We will all miss you... Ur blog is too good...

11:54 PM, February 17, 2006  
Anonymous admirer said...

well.. sir
i will be looking forward to the moment when u break urself free from all the thoughts that are keeping u away from this blog and u return... and we get to share things with each other and i get to appreciate ur creativity again..

as far as my link is concerned.. i dont blog.. trust me.i just drop in to make myself believe tht the person who is around me just like evry1 else has so much deep within himself and he expresses it so B U T fully.

4:22 AM, February 23, 2006  
Anonymous Hiren said...

You need a proper purpose in life, in my view. One of my blogs maybe of some help.

2:59 AM, February 25, 2006  
Blogger The Doors Of Perception said...

i shall return..
..soon.

9:29 AM, March 10, 2006  
Blogger Hemu said...

Jaldi aa ... befor you read my latest post :P .. WRITE a cute poem !!

2:33 PM, March 10, 2006  
Blogger Imperfect said...

hey
Loved your blog!!!!
don't stop ever

6:56 AM, July 10, 2006  

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